Navigating Big Emotions: 3 Tools to Settle Your Nervous System

Three Emotion Regulation Strategies: When and How to Use Them 

We all know the feeling. The sudden wave of anxiety when facing a task we’ve been avoiding. The flash of panic and overwhelm during a difficult memory. The all-consuming sense of dread that can stop us from doing something important, something that matters. In these moments, our instinct is often to seek safety, retreat, to distract, or to wish the feeling would just go away.

But should our aim be to get rid of these feelings?

What if, instead, it's about learning to “travel with” these emotions rather than being ruled by them? Emotions are natural, vital signals from our nervous system. Trying to suppress them has been likened to trying to hold a beach ball underwater—it’s exhausting, needs constant attention and eventually, it pops up with even greater force.

The skills of emotion regulation are not about emotional control. They are about creating a pause. This pause is the space between a trigger and an automatic or habitual response. It’s within this pause that we can settle our physiology just enough to get out of our reacting brains.  From this calmer place, we can regain a sense of agency and be better able to choose the next step.

These tools are designed to help you create that pause, especially when you're about to do something challenging, like a tough exposure exercise or a task you've been procrastinating on.

1. Anchor to the Present: The Five Senses Grounding Exercise

When anxiety pulls you into catastrophic "what-if" thoughts about the future, this technique acts as an anchor to the safety of the present moment. By focusing your attention on the concrete, physical world around you, you send a powerful signal to your brain that you are okay right now. This is an excellent skill to use when avoidance is high and you need to bring yourself back to the here-and-now to take that first step.

Gently, and without judgment, guide your attention to notice:

• FIVE things you can see: The colour of the wall, the spine of a book, a shadow on the floor, the texture of your sleeve, a speck of dust on your desk.

• FOUR things you can feel: The solid support of the chair beneath you, the temperature of the air on your skin, the weight of your feet on the ground, the texture of a pen in your hand.

• THREE things you can hear: The distant hum of a refrigerator, the rustle of leaves outside, the quiet sound of your own breath.

• TWO things you can smell: The faint scent of coffee from this morning, the clean smell of paper. If you can’t notice anything, simply imagine a smell you enjoy, like cinnamon or rain.

• ONE thing you can taste: The lingering flavour of your last drink of water, or just the neutral sensation in your mouth.

2. The Instant Reset: The Physiological Sigh

This is your nervous system’s built-in reset button. Backed by clear research done by neuroscientists, the physiological sigh is one of the fastest ways to voluntarily calm your body's stress response. It is thought to work by increasing heart rate variability and triggering a vagal nerve response, this can be akin to sending an immediate "all-clear" signal to the brain.

It is a perfect tool to use in the moment right before you engage in a committed action that feels scary, or when you have woken up in the middle of the night in state of fluster and activation.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Take a deep inhale through your nose, breathe into your abdomen and then your chest.

2. Then, before you exhale, take another short, sharp "top-up" inhale to fully inflate your lungs.

3. Exhale slowly and for as long as possible through your mouth.

Try one or two rounds of this right before you open that email you’ve been dreading, or just as you are about to begin a challenging behavioural experiment. It can provide the moment of calm needed to proceed.

3. The Emergency Brake: Cold Water Immersion

Sometimes, distress can feel like a 10 out of 10. In moments of extreme panic, emotional flooding, or when you feel completely overwhelmed during a difficult task, you may need a more powerful intervention. Cold water can act as an emergency brake for your nervous system.

Submerging your face in cold water triggers the "mammalian dive reflex," a non-conscious pathway that instantly slows your heart rate and redirects blood flow to your vital organs. It’s a physiological full-stop that can break the emotional spiral.

How to do it safely:

Lean over a sink or large bowl filled with cold water. Hold your breath and submerge your face (especially the area around your eyes and cheeks) for 15-30 seconds. The shock of the cold is a powerful circuit breaker, bringing your physiological arousal down several notches very quickly.

(Please use caution and consult a doctor if you have any pre-existing heart or medical conditions.)

Move Forward, Reclaim Choice

These tools are not meant to make discomfort disappear. Discomfort is an unavoidable part of being human. Instead, these skills are the bridge that allows you to tolerate discomfort in the service of what you care about.

• It’s the space that allows you to start the first paragraph of the report you've been avoiding.

• It’s the steadiness that helps you stay in a feared situation during an exposure exercise for one minute longer.

• It's the pause that allows you to respond to a loved one from a place of kindness, even when you feel hurt.

These skills help you manage the fire alarm in the moment. In therapy, we can work together to explore the building's wiring—to understand the patterns that trigger the alarm, to heal the parts of you that are feeling unsafe, and to build a life that is rich, meaningful, and consciously chosen by you.

If you are wondering about whether therapy might help you in alleviating suffering and moving forward in your life then I invite you to book a free consultation or have a read of our other articles to learn more:

What Really Happens in a CBT Session? 

Five Guiding Questions to Help You Find the Right Therapist 

Online vs. Face to Face CBT: Which Path is Right for You? 

Scientific References for Emotion Regulation Techniques

Below are academic sources that provide the evidence base for the techniques discussed in the article. They explore the neurobiological and physiological mechanisms that make these strategies effective for settling the nervous system.

1. On Grounding and Sensory Awareness

• Chapman, A. L., Gratz, K. L., & Tull, M. T. (2011). The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety: Breaking Free from Worry, Panic, PTSD, and Other Anxiety Symptoms. New Harbinger Publications.

2. On the Physiological Sigh

• Balban, M. Y., Neri, E., Kogon, M. M., Weed, L., Nouriani, B., Jo, B., ... & Huberman, A. D. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1), 100895.

3. On Cold Water Immersion (Mammalian Dive Reflex)

• Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

• Kinoshita, T., Nagata, S., Baba, R., Iida, Y., & Koshiba, M. (2006). Cold-water face immersion per se elicits cardiac parasympathetic nerve activity. Circulation Journal, 70(6), 773-776.